If God tells me to plant and I see no fruit from my obedience, will I still obey Him the next time?

(borrowed this from my Dad, have no idea where he got it)

One man said “I want to have the faith of a farmer, who puts the seed in the
ground and believes God will cause it to grow.”   
But the second said “I
want to have the faith of Job, who said ‘Though He slay me, yet will I trust
Him.’–one who sows the seed and believes God whether it yields fruit or
not.”

Yesterday, my sister told me that when her alarm went off in our room
at 7:30am, I sat up in bed with the happiest smile on my face. 
No, I wasn’t awake (that I know of)…I slept till noon, trying to get
rid of this cold.  But now we all wonder what I was dreaming about.

Eye has not seen, nor ears heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.
                                                            
1 Cor. 2:9

I’m not sure I like the lyrics
in this so much as I like the tune.  (Maybe someday I’ll go to the
trouble of putting music on my site, eh?)

Slow down you crazy child

You’re so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you’re so smart tell me why

You are still so afraid?




Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about?

You better cool it off before you burn it out

You got so much to do and only

So many hours in a day




But you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want

Or you an just get old

You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

When will you realize

Vienna waits for you




Slow down you’re doing fine

You can’t be everything you want to be

Before your time

Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight

Too bad but it’s the life you lead

You’re so ahead of yourself

That you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you’re wrong




But you know you can’t always see when you’re right

You got your passion you got your pride

But don’t you know only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don’t imagine they’ll all come true

When will you realize

Vienna waits for you




Slow down you crazy child

Take the phone off the hook

And disappeaar for a while

It’s alright you can afford to lose a day or two

When will you realize

Vienna waits for you.

Vienna, Billy Joel

Actually, I’m not currently watching this, but my sister and I
watched the special features the other night.  I can’t believe
Matt Damon got some training in stunt driving!  I’m so
jealous.  They said he was good.  (He said he blew the clutch
out on one Mercedes because he drove it so hard.)  The main stunt
driver/trainer said that driving is instinctive…”you either have it
or you don’t.”  Shelly laughed at me because I was bouncing in my
seat saying, “See!!! That could be me!  I’ve got to
go to Hollywood!”    But Dad didn’t even bat an eyelash
when I announced my career goals.  Could it be that the issue at hand
(boys was the current topic, I think) was a bigger deal?  I
think he just isn’t taking me seriously.  “Big mistake. 
Big.  Huge.”

I’m tellin’ you people, I could so be a stunt driver…

On a more eternal note, God’s been doing a lot these last couple of
weeks.  I’m so grateful for the friends (and family) that have
been there to encourage and motivate me.  I got some things
accomplished that might have seemed minor to some, but were huge to
me.  (Things tend to get that way when they’ve been on your list
since July.) 

God really has been good.  But He’s also been tough.  I keep
reminding myself, God doesn’t want me to be happy so much as He wants
me to be holy.

This week has been crazy.  I had a good weekend, came home with a
lot of new thoughts.  God has been convicting me about a lot of
things, not the least of which is my unwillingness to tell my parents
about some of the things in my life.  Why am I unwilling?  If
I’m willing to have or do these things, why shouldn’t they know? 
Deception has always been woman’s most powerful enemy, and I am no
different than Eve.  Lord, help!

Borrowed these from Jenny…  I posted a rant about this song a while back, but I didn’t dispute
the message of it as well as this quote from Elizabeth Elliot does.

Foolishness:
“I know you think
that I shouldn’t still love you
or tell you that.
But if I didn’t say it
Well, I’d still have felt it.
Where’s the sense in that?”
~Dido, White Flag

Wisdom:
“Waiting silently is the hardest thing of all.
But the things that we feel most deeply
we ought to learn to be silent about –
at least until we have talked them over thoroughly with God.”
~Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity

The sun really does come up, and the day always changes perspective.

Wow.
what a weekend…
and, as if it needed a finale,
tonight was certainly it.

sorrow, elation, excitement
fear and joy
how do they all fit in my heart like that?

I should be sleeping,
but I can’t.
Too many thoughts
too many feelings.
So I’ve come down to take
an ibuprofen and calm
my jumbled thoughts.
I think if I just cried it might help
But I hate crying at night,
it gets my nose all stuffy.
Besides I already cried a lot tonight while we prayed.
It’s funny to me how often I want to cry
over things that aren’t really sad.
All it takes is being overwhelmed
and if there’s one sad emotion in me,
it’s enough to set me off.

I have a lot to do tomorrow
good things that I want to do
need to do.
I know I’ll be tempted to sit around
thinking and writing in my journal
and praying.
I need peace.
Peace doesn’t come from sitting around.
I need to learn to be still inside.
I need to learn when to sit still to gain that stillness
inside
and when to be busy and productive with
that stillness in my heart.
God, I need to sleep.  I need rest.
Not just for my body, but for my heart.
It’s too full…I’m afraid it might burst…

I
enjoyed doing this.   It forced me to look at what I’d done
with my year, and provided both inspiration and conviction.  It
also conviced me that I really am getting older–my years are so
muddled together.  I can barely remember the beginning of 2004!

1. What did you do in 2004 that you’d
never done before? 
~composed for a recording on the spot
did live piano for a play
left
the country
saw Candada (briefly, from the airports)
rode in a car on
the wrong side of the road (England)
got left behind at a train
station (Paris)
rode in a taxi
spoke French to French people
visited
a museum
rode the metro
drove in a foreign country
walked barefoot
through a cemetery
took a nap on someone
else’s lawn (Versailles)
took 600 pictures in 3 weeks
was accosted
by a drunk (in Paris)
toured Oxford
drank tea in a British tea room
swam in the
English channel (on both sides)
saw Iceland and Greenland (from a
plane)
taught voice lessons
had a snowball fight!!!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  in a way, though I’m not where I wanted to be; and yes, probably…I am a list-maker after all

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?  no, that was last year

4. Did anyone close to you die?  hmm…Jerry Goldsmith and Marlon Brando don’t count…Reagan might

5. What countries did you visit?  Canada, France, England 

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?  HA!

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?  July 26 because it’s the day I left for Europe

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?  learning to enjoy my family

9. What was your biggest failure?  
not listening more than I spoke

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?  nothing more than typical colds, etc.
 

11. What was the best thing you bought?  
stuff for my family from Europe
soundtracks to
Ocean’s Eleven and Benny and Joon
my sunglasses and watch from Paris,
my scarves from London 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Gracie’s   

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? mine

14. Where did most of your money go?  taxes and a plane ticket

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? going to Europe, driving in Paris, snow on Christmas Eve

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?   Sing by Jars of Clay (Who We are Instead)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?  about the same, or happier

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?  spent more time with my younger siblings, worked harder to improve my physical health, played the piano, practiced French

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? sitting around reading, procrastinating     

20. How will you be spending Christmas?  at home with family and in Austin with relatives

21. How will you be spending New Years? at home with family and lots of friends

24. What was your favorite TV program?   NFL  

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?  CNN

26. What was the best book you read?  too many to count, I read a lot… maybe Not Even a Hint (Josh Harris);  I started The Guns of August, which is great, but it doesn’t count as read yet~

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? soundtracks to Signs and Matchstick Men, The Proclaimers…and probably something else…I listen to a lot of music

28. What did you want and got? a trip to Europe, red shoes, sunglasses from Paris, sheets that actually fit my mattress! (thanks Stace)…

30. What was your favorite film of this year? flip between Pirates of the Carribean and Bourne Supremecy…was Big Fish this year (I, Robot was pretty cool.) 

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were
you?  visited Sacre Coeur and Notre Dame, walked through what felt like half
of Paris and had duck for dinner; I was…almost to old for that to be
a polite question. 

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  maybe
if I had become more like Christ.  But will I ever be
satisfied?  I hope not.  So maybe I should just say, having
more money in Europe. 

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?  cute and comfortable  

34. What kept you sane?  God’s grace 

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?  if I have to pick one, Johnny Depp or Matt Damon

I
should have said Martha Stewart; or Oh, the Bachlor!  which
one?  you know, the cute one!  Or mabye I should have said
Tony Romo and only die-hard fans would know who I meant.  *wicked
grin* 

36. What political issue stirred you the most?  morality in office and national security

37. Who did you miss?  Diane, Jana, Brack, Tommy  

38. Who was the best new person you met?  Antonia, Katie, Peia, Rob, David, Chris, Anna 

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:   He doesn’t expect me to be perfect…just willing.

God bless you all!  May this be the year you lean on Him…