I can’t say that I know what you’re going through, because I actually don’t. But I don’t need specifics to know that you need encouragement, that you need to hear a story of God working.
This past year I’ve seen a pattern in my life, which I believe also indicates some spiritual attack. It seemed that every time I had an amazing moment or some revelation from God, any time I was seemed to be up on a mountain with Him, I’d get slammed back down to the ground. I felt like the girl in the movie “Bounce”–I only went up so I could go back down, and the higher I went the harder I hit the ground. Its a lot like being slammed into the ground over and over.
Except…
God.
He was actually the one constant.
I was so tired of bouncing, so tired of valleys. I complained to Him a lot, and cried a lot (I cry a lot, even for a girl). But I started seeing how He was building my faith through it. I hated it while it was happening, every time it happened, but I began to recognize His hand on me and on my life. I knew that God hadn’t slipped off His throne or turned His head for a moment and dropped me. I suspected occasional attacks from Satan (I think he gets both not enough credit and too much credit), but I held onto the belief that my God was more powerful and that His love for me would only send good. Even circumstances that, by my estimation, could not possibly be for my good, are only sent from His sovereign hand for my ultimate good. (I’m beginning to think that “good” from my perspective is a little shortsighted.)
My life is not necessarily amazing now, I still have occasional valleys, and some days and or weeks I struggle to find motivation beyond getting up and doing my duty for the day. I don’t know what good will come of what I’ve been going through, except this: my faith. It is stronger. Not necessarily in a tangible way, only that now I have a sense of having been through fire and having been upheld by the hand of my God. I’ve had to decide whether I will follow Him regardless of what He sends or what He withholds. I’ve had to decide if I trust Him to do me good and not evil. It’s a powerful thing to receive anything from His hand.
I don’t think anything I share will change your life, but maybe you’ll be encouraged that others have been (or are still) in hard places, too, and that God’s hand is still on you.
I’ll be praying that God does for you what He’s done for me. Only He can change you from the inside out and build your faith till it is unshakable. I’ll pray that you begin to crave Him above everything else life could offer. He Himself is the best reward of all.
—And this from a girl who struggles to spend any time in the Word let alone daily, who still sometimes wonders if God forgot about her when He made romance (or if maybe He’s just deliberately withholding it), who sins regularly and sometime spectacularly, who has no earthly idea how she still trusts in this God of hers… But this God of mine has been gracious enough to give me the gift of faith and to build it continuously. He is truly a merciful God!
P.S. Authors who have encouraged me in my faith this past year: John Piper and Elisabeth Elliot. Elliot in particular has a blunt way of explaining life and faith and perspective that gets my attention every time. Also, Ann Voskamp’s blog A Holy Experience, one post of which I recently shared on FB. I know I’m recommending mostly women, but they SEE God and express their faith in ways that build my faith.
PennyDaisy 