My invitation to
adventure may not seem like much to anyone else. I guess it wasn’t
meant to. I think it was only meant to mean the world to me. When I said
I should have known, I meant that I should have known it wouldn’t be
something I expected. And I’m half-terrified of opening up enough to share it.
Two weeks ago I was unable to fall asleep and ended up praying.
I don’t know what your conversations with God are like. For mine it could
be argued that I’m just talking to myself. I’ve never heard His voice out loud. But sometimes the
thoughts that come to my head are so not me (too unselfish), that I know it’s the
Holy Spirit. Suddenly I had to get up and write–in the dark
bedroom I share with my sister, holding her flashlight in one hand and
my pen in the other, with no glasses. This is basically what I found
in my journal the next morning.
All my life I’ve read about people
who fight for their dream, their calling, their whatever, not just in
spite of the odds, but because of them. Because living–really
living–is worth whatever it takes. Even if it means dying sooner.
I’ve never had to fight;
never had a reason. I’m too lazy at heart. If something
didn’t come easy, I didn’t try it. If it came easy, I went for it
until it wasn’t fun anymore, or I had to work harder to keep progressing,
and then I quit. That’s the plain ugly truth. And I’ve done
it over and over again.
“Lord, I want an adventure. I
want a reason to fight what’s wrong in me. I want motivation to
conquer this quitter in me…”
What about the hater in you?
“What?? God, I don’t hate!”
Do you love?
“Of course! Sort of. Most of the time.”
Oh, so you’re a non-lover? Which do you think needs to be conquered more, the quitter or the non-lover?
“God, that’s not really a fair question! If I answer wrong then I’m just wrong. If I answer right, then I’m stuck!”
How’s this for an adventure, daughter: learn to love.
Learn to speak gently; to keep from passing on sharp words or hurtful
tones to the next person who crosses your path. Learn to repay
evil with good. Learn to turn the other cheek when no one’s
watching. Learn to care with no audience. Learn to give
without applause. Learn to love.
“Father, I don’t know how! I don’t always even like people. Love is not in me!”
You must learn love. You must grow closer to love. You must study it, pour over it’s virtues. Get to know love.
“Right. But how? Lord, I–“
I AM love. Know ME.
One more doubt. One more question. “That’s it, God? That’s my big adventure?”
Know Me. Learn to love. You were meant to be a great lover.
PennyDaisy 
I know what you mean, about that entry bit.
i think that is an excellent adventure. and one i needed to hear. it’s good to think of it as an adventure.
I’m with you. It’s difficult to love. Especially the guy who just cut me off in traffic. But to learn to know God is to learn to know love. I liked your entry. I also really liked your singing at the wedding. You girls sounded so nice! It was angelic.
Thank you for sharing your adventure with us!! It gives me a peek into your heart.
If you are wanting to learn about love you could read about the lives of missionaries. They struggle to love people who have a strange culture, the language is hard to understand and often those people try to hurt them. Through Gates of Splendor or Steve Saints story (I do not know the name of his book) are both beautiful examples of love and forgiveness. The kind of love and forgiveness that is beyond my understanding but that is a treasure to be sought after.
Love can trasform lives and melt hearts.
I mentioned Dobson in my comment on Dani’s site and that is because the other morning Mom heard him speaking on young people living at home with their parents. His opinion was that the parents should bundle the young people out of the house. He believes that the reason so many young people are staying home is because the parents don’t want the children to grow up. (In other words you can must be independant in order to be mature.) I am home because I choose to and I “pay” for room and board by cooking supper, doing the grocery shopping and helping with other chores. The other things I do because I believe that helping my family when I don’t have to is a way of learning to be less selfish. Most of the time I don’t want to help (like with butchering) but I force myself to and try to remind myself to do so cheerfully (that is the hard part). For many years, in the past, young girls have stayed at home until they married or stayed and took care of their elderly parents if they did not marry, and no one had a problem with it. Why is it now unhealthy for us to do so? Who has the athority to tell us that we can’t hold onto that old practice?
I am planning to go see The End of the Spear. Too bad you and I can’t go together!! That would be neat!
I’ll be praying for you as you embark on your adventure! I am grateful to be able to say you are my friend, my dear, sweet friend. Even if time pushes us apart you will always live in my memories and in letters.
What a wonderful adventure and words from the Lord… thank you for sharing them….
And VelvetS…. just thought I’d share my heart — when I hear pastors or speakers make statements like that, I remember I was always offended because I, like you, was NOT a free-loader, etc… had been and was continuing to work very hard and lovingly for my family. But while this doesn’t excuse them for not being all-encompassing it may encourage you to remember that we are in a quite exclusive, tiny minority: the Exception to “their” rule. In this day and age it *is* all-too-common for young people to stay at home and refuse to face responsibility — and for parents to coddle them. But the chances that healthy-acting parents with healthy-acting children living at home are going to be the primary audience of Mr./Dr. Dobson’s speech are small — and while it may never hurt to point out that there is a minority, it is also worth remembering You Are Special — and honorable — and just because the lump problem is being addressed at some point does not diminish who you are — ever — especially in Christ.
Anyway… my thoughts from “The Bottom of the Chili Bowl.” I’m off to bed. Love you all. –Dot
wow.funny…Father and I have been taking a very similar adventure together recently…actually…it’s the exact same one.wow.
My concern? I don’t recall. Did I say something sunday? Sadly, I was over-reliant on drugs (over the counter thank you!) and was apparently not as functional as I seemed to think. Please advise of something if I missed it.
How’s your week going so far?
Oh I DO get it now. I doubt it’s very important to you. Probably much glossed over, in fact. Not a big deal.
Thanks for your prayers! I wanted to take pictures and post them but my family thinks that someone might turn us over to the CPS for child abuse without reading my post on what actually happened. Oh well. It is quite a sight and makes me think of something I read recently about a man who was being hanged but his friend came and cut him down. He had a bright red scar on his neck from the rope. That is what Rach’s neck makes me think of. (How terrible of me!!)
Oh my, what a convicting entry. Thank you for sharing that. Right now, that’s one of the issues God is dealing with in my life…I’m so selfish and “love” only when I feel like it or when it’s convenient for me. I’m trying, with God’s strength and grace, to break a habit I have of loving conditionally. It’s so much harder than I ever though, and it certainly isn’t fun! Thanks again for sharing, and I’ll be praying for you, my friend =)