PennyDaisy

My sister read this out loud to me, which, I think,
makes it funnier.  After struggling two years on French (with constant
complaints like, “What is with these French?!”), this makes me take pity on
those who must learn english, and, in another way, makes me proud to be
English-speaking.  Maybe I just like confusing people.  :

Enjoy………

Reasons
why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound
around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if
he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in
the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, it must be time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9)
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the
object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row
among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to
close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A
seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with
planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to
wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon
seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the
subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented
in England or French fries in
France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and
hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural
of booth beeth? One goose, 2
geese.So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?  Is it an odd, or an
end?

If teachers taught, why don’t preachers praught? If  vegetarians eat
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite a
play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses
that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You must marvel
at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes
off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at
all.  That is why, when the stars are out, they’re visible, but when the lights
are out, they’re invisible.

P.S. – Why doesn’t “Buick” rhyme with
“quick”?